The trend is slowing, even on the meeting side. To find lasting love, you would have to take the time to discover its suitors and do away with the relentless swip of dating apps. Advice.
“I spend my time surfing Tinder and Happn, I can not do without it. For what result? I am always alone despite the number of matches and dates…“, says Sophie, 30, who is starting to get tired of a concept that she thought was revolutionary. When we are running out of time, we have gone around with friends of friends and our colleagues are all in a couple, signing up on a dating app and swiping non-stop in a supermarket as large as our heart seeks to vibrate, that’s a good idea. But why does the good meeting not arise not ?
Too much choice kills choice
The more choices we have, the more demanding we are. When a claimant does not meet all our criteria, nothing serious: there will be hundreds of others. So we got into the habit of running rather than walking, swiper rather than digging. “Currently, on a date, if everything is not perfect – and it never is, it’s pure fantasy – we quickly realize that we are wasting our time and that there is maybe right now someone better waiting for us on the application … We have lost, via these chain dating applications, the idea that love can rhyme with stranger, risk and adventure“, observes Fabienne Kraemer, doctor by training and psychoanalyst, author of 21 keys to slow love (Ed. Puf).
It is in light of this observation that the app Ounce was launched a year ago and now has 900,000 users in France. The principle is simple: we are offered one contender per day and that’s it. This is where slow dating comes in: you take the time to take an interest in the person and you don’t run away for a yes or a no, since the swip does not exist.
An app that understands everything? “The slow dating, it is to escape the over-solicitations and the consumer society in which we live and which governs everything, even love. It is a question of leaving time to meet and to the person, without being parasitized by the temptation of others“Fabienne Kraemer bounces. But how can narrowing the choice open us up to the right meeting?
Review your use of dating apps
If some register on Once, they continue to swipe on Tinder. Having less choice is a first step towards slow dating, but the key lies in our behavior. “To end the overconsumption in love, the solution is not to present one or more people – as if one imposed frustration at the outset – but to offer the possibility of devoting oneself only to one and to develop a form of loyalty and trust with the person we are chatting with“, explains the author of 21 keys to slow love, who thinks that Once does not solve the bottom of the problem. But Once seems to have all the answers and today offers the possibility of interacting with a matchmaker in order to put the human at the heart of the meeting and to help its members to focus on a pretender carefully chosen for themselves. “This option enhances the serious dating, explains Jean Meyer, founder of Once. We really invest ourselves and we no longer drown in a slew of pretenders“.
A new option that does not convince our specialist. “We can invest in a relationship with someone chosen for us, but how do we know if this person is not chatting with dozens of others? Market applications will not change anything, it’s up to everyone to make the decision to slow down in order to fight against the planned obsolescence of our meetings“, continues Fabienne Kraemer.
Take his time, it is therefore to give a chance to the one who is in front of us and does not necessarily meet our selection criteria. If it is tempting, on an app, to share your requirements in terms of hair colors, job or passions, we potentially miss a great story. Who told us one day that there were thousands of brunettes just a click away and that we could then drop this blonde who does not seem to be our cup of tea? “Devote time to each other and making the effort to find it can help find happiness for two“, warns the psychoanalyst. If we want to continue on the different apps with multiple temptations, which remain an indisputable bias in encounters, it is good to make a different use of them by simply saying that love does not arise in one look, a word, but may need time to develop. So let’s give it!
For those who are interested and who would like to experience an evening of slow dating, the site Daiiiti offers singles to register for its launch event which will take place on February 14, 2017 in Paris. The idea is to stop for an evening. We are coming out of new technologies to live a “slow moment” and not to zap the first comer under the pretext that he has gel in his hair and that we have never liked it. Sometimes it is enough to a few more minutes to realize that behind these shiny wicks, a small heart has everything to resonate against ours.