Who has never wondered if sleeping with your ex was the idea of the century or the biggest mistake there is? By dint of preconceived speeches on the subject, we decided to take stock and ask ourselves the right questions.
Go back to bed with your ex, a common practice? A study published in 2013 by the University of Arizona and relayed by the Daily Mail We learn that 20% of those questioned have already experienced it. An experience that they even consider positive, since putting back the cutlery overnight did not stir the knife in their wound, on the contrary.
Finally, sleeping with your ex would not worsen our condition and could even improve it. This is also the conclusion of a more recent study published this year in the Archives of Sexual Behavior. The researchers, three psychologists, observed that sleeping with her ex didn’t start our healing process. Understand: it is not because we remind Pierre that we start from scratch in our grief. It even seems that this little madness is likely to fill our feeling of loneliness.
At best we have a good time, at worst it doesn’t change anything
If researchers are interested in this phenomenon, it is because it is common to hear that sleeping with your ex is a bad idea. The risks posed would not be multiple but substantial: we would maintain the link and our feelings, enough to hurt ourselves. However, the idea of a moment of pleasure shared with someone we know well can offer us the guarantee of a pleasant sexual intercourse and devoid of unnecessary pressure. We can find comfort, love, orgasms, and this research does not necessarily disturb our heart since it does not hope to reopen the file of a relationship, just pecking at its good memories.
Then, on the contrary, the question of orchestrated sexual intercourse is raised in order to recover one’s ex. If you know you are on edge, seeing your ex punctually hoping to transform the test can be painful, it is a reality. But how much should we preserve? To what extent will winning back your ex in the field of sexuality not succeed us? If the bond and the feelings are rekindled during a physical rapprochement, why would not our ex be housed in the same boat? Who knows what this report will bring us? Of course, the outcome of this report may not be as expected, but our grief, already in the recovery phase, will not necessarily be affected. It’s like getting a cold when you already have a cold: our immune defenses are strengthened.
What is stopping me?
If we ask ourselves the question of going back to bed or not with our ex, it is that there is a good chance that we will want to, no matter what expectations motivate us. It would then be advisable (and rather) to question one’s fears and limits and to ask oneself: what is preventing me? Fear of suffering is a very good reason to stay in place. But for what other pretexts do we refrain from calling our ex? Assuming your desire and taking the step to recall your ghost from the past is not always well received. Are the moralizing remarks of an entourage that strives to warn us related to the stereotypes that weigh on female sexual desire? Stereotypes that women internalize. And if by dint of hearing that the fairer sex puts sex before feelings, we could not help considering a part of sex with our ex as the unconscious sign of a love always alive?
Worse: perhaps we consider this pleasure as a transgressive act, so that we do not allow ourselves to take the plunge?
If as the researchers claim, sleeping with your ex does not hurt, nothing will do us more good than acting in full awareness and according to our desires.