Can we find love through science? 5 experts answer

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Season 2 of “Married at first sight” on M6 offers singles to meet the man or woman of their life through a plethora of so-called scientific tests. But can you really find your soul mate thanks to a series of data? Expert responses.

Married at first sight, every Monday at 9 p.m. on M6, offers to pass a series of tests on singles in order to find a person who is more than 70% compatible with them. If this person exists (in the voluntary panel) then the potential couple meets on the day of their… marriage, without ever having seen each other. But can we really ensure the good health of a couple on paper, after a series of tests? Where does the magic share in an encounter programmed via an algorithm? Although the experts of the show explain that physical attraction can go wrong at the first glance before the mayor, they maintain forming couples over the long term. So can compatibility do most of the work? Love through science, what do we think about it? Five professionals answer the question.

“The resonance between two beings cannot be programmed by an algorithm”

The common points can facilitate the meeting. Offsets and differences can sometimes weigh in a couple. Being alike is guaranteed to have things to say to each other. But having something in common does not necessarily mean getting along. We can both love TV series, but not for the same reasons. Around an affinity, there is shareable and non shareable.

“Charm is an indefinable parameter”

Beyond compatibility on paper, there is everyone’s subconscious that science cannot capture and predict. We are attracted to someone without being able to explain it. A face speaks to us, a way of expressing ourselves… Charm is a parameter that cannot be defined scientifically. The resonance between two beings cannot be programmed by an algorithm. Of course, with such experience, you can love yourself, but love yourself well, just good. The current which passes between two beings is not to love each other “just” well. It is an elusive, mysterious part of us that makes us love each other for a lifetime.
Patricia Delahaie, psychosociologist, author of How to meet people (Ed. Pocket Book)

“To confuse commitment by necessity and the desire for union is to transform the mystery of the encounter”

The concept of the show tackles a scourge: separation. But can science change that? To admit that only scientific parameters are sufficient to correct the lasting lives of couples seems excessive to me. In addition, commitment to marriage is not enough to guarantee the sustainability of a couple. It is a deviation from the theory of engagement which postulates that when one engages one establishes a logic of reciprocity which consolidates a bond. But if this link is imposed according to pseudo-scientific criteria, it forgets a fundamental dimension: that of desire. To confuse commitment out of necessity and the desire for union is to transform the mystery of the encounter into a cold and rational algorithm.

“Sexual agreement cannot be foreseen”

Furthermore, sexual intercourse cannot be foreseen. Pheromones can certainly play a considerable role, but that is not enough to guarantee agreement. In love there is an inconsistent, variable part, full of surprise, completely rejected from this experience.
Antoine Spath, psychologist and sexologist, author of Thwarting the traps of manipulators and narcissistic perverts is clever (Ed. Leduc.S)

“The mistake is to think that we are frozen personalities”

Many believe – mistaken belief from the romantic culture – that love consists in finding the right person, the one who is compatible with us. This is how dating sites work, where everyone can look for the most compatible partner, either by feeling or by relying on algorithms. If undeniably we feel more attracted to certain people, especially those who look like us, this attraction does nothing to ensure the viability of the couple! The mistake is to think that we are frozen personalities. However, we change over time and the love that we live with someone allows us to evolve. It is this transformation, much more than the initial compatibilities, which promote a quality relationship over time.

“Science is unable to predict that two people will be a happy couple”

Science sheds light on the reasons for ex post attraction to already formed couples, but it is currently unable to predict that two people selected a priori will form a happy couple. We do not choose a partner as we choose a car, on the basis of established criteria, even if they are scientifically valid! We let ourselves be touched by another person, even if the feeling did not pass at the beginning: how many couples can testify that the attraction appeared over the meetings, even years …
Marriage is no longer that solid commitment it once was. It is true that making a sincere commitment gives the couple more chances to last. But in our time when divorce is so easy and so many temptations, it is an illusion to believe that this is enough to make history last …

Yves-Alexandre Thalman, clinical psychologist, author of Better love each other for a long time (Ed. Solar) and The 10 Keys to Personal Development: What Really Works For You (Ed. Leduc.S)

“We cannot computerize the meeting”

It is very improbable that on a single possibility of meeting, there will be a real crush. It’s random. In a matchmaking agency, we certainly pass tests on registrants who are looking for love, but what we take more into consideration is their feed back after their first dates. It is by giving them meeting opportunities that we judge the relevance of our choices in order to refine our selection. We cannot computerize the good meeting.

“We cannot define an ideal on paper”

Singles must see several people, trust what they are feeling. We just help the chance, everyone is free and each single does his share of the job in the face of the romantic encounter. We cannot define an ideal on paper, we can simply try to approach it step by step.
Stéphane Maillard, CEO of Unicis, network of matchmaking agencies in France and abroad and French leader in the sector of individual meetings and leisure

“Determining the compatibility of two people before they meet is not absurd”

Trying to determine the compatibility of two people before they meet is not absurd. Questionnaires and interviews can help draw the lines of force likely to attract or repel two people between them. This is what friends intuitively do when they introduce singles to each other, imagining that they will go well together. But the real test is obviously the physical encounter, this alchemy of physical attraction and sexual compatibility.

You can be very excited by a less physically attractive partner “

One can very well find someone very handsome while admitting that he / she does not arouse sexual arousal. Conversely, one can be very excited by a less physically attractive partner. The sexual encounter will also make it possible to check the olfactory compatibility. It is not easy to build a long-term couple with someone whose smell you do not like. It is a powerful primitive reaction … and which sometimes explains robust incompatibilities. The incompatibility of favorite sexual practices can, more rarely, be a factor of tension in the couple. Sexuality is the couple’s ultimate test.
Damien Mascret, sexologist, co-author of Revenge of the Clitoris (Ed, La Musardine) awith Maïa Mazaurette

On video, an extract from the program Media sphere : Married at first sight: forced marriage?

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