Sex

Alain Héril, sex therapist: “In a man, the peak of sexuality is 50 years old”

Alain Héril, sexothérapeute : "Chez un homme, le pic de sexualité est à 50 ans"

Sex toys, prostatic orgasm, erogenous zones: men say everything about their sexuality in the documentary “Les Français au lit”, broadcast on Téva, Monday November 11 at 8:50 pm. Interview with the sex therapist and psychoanalyst Alain Héril who reveals the secrets of the pleasure of these gentlemen and uncovers the clichés.

The sex life of these gentlemen is dissected in the documentary that we expected (almost) all: French people in bed, broadcast on Suits you, Monday November 11 at 8:50 p.m.. Whether they are twenty-seventies or seventies, heterosexual, bisexual or gay, followers of monogamy or open relationships, men openly confide in their sexuality, facing Eloïse Malet’s camera. The truth about sex toys, prostatic orgasm, the possibility of simulating or even the ideal sexual frequency: everything, everything, everything you will know everything … On the occasion of the broadcast of the documentary, we interviewed the sex therapist and psychoanalyst Alain Héril, who also intervenes during the feature film, on the differences between the sexuality of men and women, decreased libido seniors, masturbation or even point P.

Women’s Journal: Do men really like sex more than women? Why does this cliché persist?
Alain Héril:
It is an extremely patriarchal and macho cliché which would suggest that men are the bearers of knowledge about sexuality and that women are subject to it. This idea arose in particular from the vision of sexuality in the 19th century, which absolutely does not correspond to reality. In addition, in sex therapy, for the past ten years, we have known that the male sexual disorder that is on the increase is … the absence of desire. Most people will tell you that there is sexual intercourse from the moment there is penetration, as if sexuality boiled down to penetration of the penis into the vagina, an action which moreover gives man a completely conquering position. These ideas will influence male behavior and lead men to believe that it is they who have power over sexuality.

The shame around female masturbation remains relevant. Why is it more socially acceptable for a man to masturbate?
Alain Héril:
In the 19th century, masturbation was considered a disease. Little by little, we accepted that masturbation could be possible in men, but less in women. What has changed is that we accept compensatory masturbation at the present time. I think if a woman says that she hasn’t had sex for a year and that she masturbates, it’s going to be relatively accepted. On the other hand, if she says that she masturbates at 5:00 pm while her partner is going to return at 9:00 pm, most people will say: “Why is she doing this? She just has to wait for him to arrive”.

This brings us back to an idea of ​​woman’s submission …
Alain Héril:
The autonomy of female sexuality has been difficult to accept and we are indeed still in the idea that women are subject to the desire of men, which is an untruth, if only in relation to anatomy and physiology. The idea of ​​procreation is more present in men than in women. Until proven otherwise, the only human organ that is only dedicated to pleasure is the clitoris and men do not have one. There is a kind of difficulty in accepting in many men that the power of sexuality is more on the female side than on the male side.

Why do we hear more about the G-spot than the P-point (area at the level of the prostate of the man which, if stimulated, helps to reach the prostatic orgasm)?
Alain Héril:
The problem with point P is that it refers men to homosexuality, since point P is stimulated by anal penetration, with an object or a finger … Prostate massage, for example, is very good for the prostate, but for most heterosexual men, the anus is an area that has nothing to do with sexuality, which from an anatomical point of view is completely wrong. This is where there is a taboo. A woman regularly goes to the gynecologist, so it would be normal for a man to go regularly to the urologist to have his prostate functioning checked, and not necessarily at 70! It should start as early as 35 years of age.

Men who have experienced prostatic orgasm describe an extraordinary sensation, especially in the documentary.
Alain Héril:
Absolutely, it is an orgasm very different from the usual orgasms because it is more felt inside the body, it is what is called an endogenous orgasm, contrary to ejaculation, which “goes towards the ‘outside”. Prostate orgasm is not necessarily more powerful, but it is different and it lasts longer. Many heterosexual men have fun when their P-spot is stimulated, and that doesn’t make them gay. But even if the lines have moved, we are still in the idea that homosexuality is a disease. We are in a world which is mainly heterosexual and with a link to sexuality which is very heteronormous. For some men, being in “normality”, in sexual potency, means staying on the side of male heterosexuality and especially not visiting spaces associated with homosexuality.

“In the next decade, we will have sex with holograms”

There would therefore be a gap between societal developments and everyone’s conscience …
Alain Héril:
What is moving is the discourse on homosexuality. We are in a society where we talk a lot more about sexuality, but the reality and intimacy of couples is not necessarily related to this societal discourse. It is not because we talk more about sexuality than in intimacy, it is happier. Sexology and sex therapy offices have never been more flourishing, with more and more difficulties in desire within the couple. There is a dichotomy between what we say and what we experience … so much so that today, a large part of the 16-25 age group is no longer interested in sexuality. These are very recent studies, the reasons for this lack of interest therefore remain unclear and are of course very variable, but behind that, there is a fear in relation to sexuality and in relation to the world in which we are.

With the ease of access to X movies, would the sexual image become commonplace? Would it lose its “charm”, its mystery?
Alain Héril:
One of the problems right now is that most people don’t watch pornographic films, but pornographic thumbnails. The difference is noticeable. Today, you can spend two days in front of YouPorn watching facial ejaculations in small thumbnails of 4 or 8 minutes which, on the cognitive level, create a hypnotic effect. When we try to reproduce this in reality, we realize that it does not have the same emotional value as what is happening in front of the screen. Conclusion: we say that it is better to return to the screen … The “democratization” of porn has not necessarily resulted in greater sexual liberation.

Overconsumption of pornography could also make arousal more difficult…
Alain Héril:
Exactly, reality becomes poor. At the moment, we are still on pornographic images, but in the next decade, there will be more and more virtual sexuality, sex with robots, connected sex, with holograms…

Some say that pornography is consumed more by men, who are more “visual” than women … Another cliché to take down?
Alain Héril:
Yes, women are as “visual” as men, but for a very long time, pornography was only disseminated to the male sex. It was born to be distributed in brothels and to excite those who went there, at the end of the 19th century. Today, there are more and more pornographic films intended for a female audience. The only notable difference is that female sexuality is more emotional. We also realize that many women consume lesbian porn, while most do not identify as lesbians: women very much like to look at images of two or more women between them. They don’t necessarily want to see Rocco Siffredi with huge members. The forms of sexual images that women seek a lot are the massages of two women between them which end in a sexual intercourse, because the emotion is different, much longer and deep. They do not necessarily seek what is called an impact emotion. We also know that when a woman watches a pornographic sticker, she usually stays 10 to 12 minutes, compared to 4 minutes for men.

“The peak of sexuality in a man is at 50”

Is there an ideal frequency of sexual intercourse within a couple?
Alain Héril:
The importance is not the quantity, but the quality of the report. It is not because you have not had sex for two weeks that your couple is not well, it is necessary to take into account certain parameters such as stress, family situation, professional life … To gauge this desire , I ask a simple question: when you come home in the evening, are you happy to find your companion? Sexuality is not the only barometer of a couple’s good health. Some couples make love every day and are in a “mechanical” relationship in which one considers the other as an object to experience pleasure.

Are men less fond of sex toys than women?
Alain Héril:
They are less fond of sex toys for themselves. The most sold sex toys are indeed those intended for women, but for 5 years, more and more couples buy sex toys to use it during intercourse, as a kind of third partner.

Does libido inevitably drop in men over 60?
Alain Héril:
The peak of sexuality in a man is at 50, that’s where he is in his sexual potency, then the testosterone level drops relatively sharply, naturally after 65-70 years. What we have known for a short time is that there is a “testosterone capital” in every man. They are not all equal at this level. I can, for example, be born with a testosterone capital of 10 which will drop to 7 with age, while another man can be born with a testosterone capital of 7 which will then drop to 4. The testosterone level does not drop not in the same way and at the same speed in everyone. In addition, one ages sexually according to how one lived sexually. If you have been very sexually active, even if your testosterone drops, your desire will remain quite strong and your frequency of intercourse will remain rather high.

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