Take intercourse: first a starter (foreplay), then a dish (penetration) then a dessert (enjoyment). But why do we strive to follow this pattern which always confines us to the same form of pleasure? Let us dare to skip the dish and disrupt our menus. Advice.
The French, kings of penetration? According to an Ifop survey carried out in 2015, 82% of French women say they practice it often but only 26% declare having an orgasm easily thanks to it. An observation that does not date from yesterday. To name just one, Shere Hite, an independent researcher, recalled in her report (the Hite Report, published in 1076) that the majority of women reach orgasm by stimulation of the clitoris, where penetration keeps them away. But in a world that values the penis and male pleasure, penetration dominates and is an essential component of sexual intercourse. If it is not to be dismissed, if it tells of the fusion and provides pleasant sensations, it punctuates our sexualities to the point of diverting us from certain parts of our body but above all from a new connection. So how do we get out (no pun intended) after having built a good part of our heterosexual relationships on… back and forth? What are the gestures, the approaches, the stories to invent to break this pattern?
Masturbation (reciprocal but not only)
When you masturbate (if you masturbate), is penetration at the heart of your practice? Many women stimulate their clitoris with their hand, fingers, a toy, the shower head or the pillow. Since the pleasure is there, why not consider that this solitary practice is expressed in the same way during intercourse? Adapting the report to his pleasure rather than adapting his pleasure to the report, that’s enough to leave the penetration and explore new areas. For that, we can practice mutual masturbation (I caress your sex, you caress my sex) or autoeroticism (we watch each other caress each other).
Oral sex – cunnilingus, fellatio, rimming, is often practiced as foreplay. Like appetizers, they stretch and then guide us towards penetration. Breaking patterns is choosing to revalue so-called preliminary practices (and as long as we do, let’s forget the notion of foreplay). Caressing the sex of your partner with your tongue and welcoming your own is not a purely excitatory act intended to whet your appetite. Quite the contrary. Sex without penetration can revolve around oral sex. A little at the beginning, in the middle, at the end or all along. The position of 69 is a great way to share pleasure, even if the alternation is also appreciated: we take the time to observe our partner, to take care of him, before or after having surrendered to his caresses.
Who Said That Sex Without Vaginal Penetration Was Not True Sex? Who said you had to go through coitus to make … love? Sex from a distance and via interposed screens is the irrefutable proof that it is not enough for a penis in a vagina to get off and share an intimate moment. The images are bursting, suggestive or not. Words multiply, in writing or verbally. The hands wander, obey or do as they please. Everything can start with a sext before activating (or not) the camera. A practice which, as desired, reminds us that we can make love by avoiding back-and-forth or attracts us to quit our habits. What reinvent the tone of our relationships and approach sex differently.